you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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