Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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