i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
