I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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