I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
