omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
They should really pass out barf bags in church
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This toilet bowl is my home.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
