Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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