just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
