Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
