This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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