someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
