I'm going to jail i love you
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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