i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
