Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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