Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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