He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize