well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
