I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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