I cockslap morals
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
