There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
