He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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