she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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