you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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