My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
