Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while

(202): View more from Washington, DC

woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face

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(516): View more from New York

sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.

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(415): View more from California

theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?

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(352): View more from Florida

How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.

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