I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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