i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
