hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
