so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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