There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
