Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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