So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
