i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize