You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
