OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
