I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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