I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
one two three fourrrrnication!
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
