i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
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