We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
