I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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