My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
