I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The air taste purple.
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