Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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