the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
