dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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