paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
