Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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