hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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