"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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