I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
