I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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