i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
