Duck Duck Cougar?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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