Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
