I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
