Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
my liver is dry heaving
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
