Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
