i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
