I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
