be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
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