She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
