my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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