My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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