he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
